The other day, as I was preparing my last timeline post, I re-read my 1st year fully natural review and it reminded me of how I declared that I'll stop reviewing at the end of every month and only do reviews every year. I had completely forgotten about that. And now that Fro is officially two years young today, it made sense to honour that declaration as so many things have happened this past year for both me and Fro and for My Fro & I.
My routine has changed...again. My wash days are longer as I make sure to wash and detangle in sections. This has definitely helped with breakage and matting during shampooing. I can confidently say I can do at least 30 different updos on my hair. That was a great learning curve for me and made me very proud that I managed to complete it. Now I have a great and varied selection of styles I can wear for pretty much any occasion.
The most obvious and certainly most impactful thing to have happened this past year was I made My Fro & I public. Before August of last year, I had only about 5 readers, myself included and it was an invite only blog for my closest friends to follow. Now, I have the honour of 'speaking' to women all over the world about my experiences with being natural. But in the excitement of a growing blog, I also haven't managed to be completely honest and continue documenting my good and bad days. I know many of you are routing for me and Fro to live happily ever after. Not to say I'm not happy but I'm just feeling a little... bleh. So I think it's time for me to be honest with how I've been feeling about my hair. (Apologies in advance for the rambling way I've written this but I'm literally just feeling and typing)
Earlier this year I made a goal to retain my length. Before it was focusing on getting the hang of natural hair and that it grows. Now, at 9 inches, I'm a few inches short of what I was expecting to be at this point of my journey. I feel like I'm at the second awkward stage where my hair is grazing my neck if left out and twist outs leave certain sections of my hair looking...weird. And while I'm happy I've reached this point, I'm not satisfied with the overall length. Just being honest in saying that, I'm disappointed that I'm struggling to retain length at this point. I know I could do better with the protective styling, but I get so itchy and can't keep them in for long. It's a bad habit, but on the other hand I ask myself, is it really about length or health?
Which leads me to my next thought...I've been pondering on cutting my hair again. Not to 1 inch but to where I was about 6 months after my big chop. The more hair, the more care. And I'm really feeling that. The other day, I met one of my readers at a work meeting (!) and I lusted after her hair. It was about 3 inches, jet black and thick. It looked gorgeous. And even though she praised my hair and styles, I found myself wishing for those days again, when a bottle of deep conditioner lasted 2 months, rather than 3 weeks. Yet at the same time, I go on Pinterest and envy the women with curls cascading down their backs. But many of those women didn't get that length by fluke and it's something I strongly believe in. If you want your hair to be a certain 'quality' then you have to work at it. I was never one of those women (even whilst relaxed) who believed in keeping long hair if I wasn't feeling it - maintenance wise or health wise. I'd cut it and let it grow back healthier. Right now, I'm not happy with the colour anymore but I don't want to dye it again. I'm not happy with the length in terms of awkwardness and also that the retention rate has slowed down. And just in terms of time too. My personal and work life has gotten much busier these past few months and sometimes I want to go to bed as soon as I arrive home. Other times I work on the weekends so wash day is out for me. So shorter hair right now, just makes sense.
I know many of you believe this is a walk in the park for me, and yes I do seem to have more good days than bad now but the journey is never over. And I'm still aspiring for something more. I hope that this post isn't going to discourage you but I hope it will inspire you to keep pushing and know that even some of us who some refer to as 'experts' also don't know what they're doing sometimes and have bad hair moments too. Point is, I still don't miss relaxed hair for a minute. And stopping to
relax remains one of the best decisions I've ever made. I would just
like to reach a more satisfied place.
Either way, here's to another year :)